


Going Back

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders sides revamped [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Claustrophobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, Sympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Villain Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27798253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: After a fight with Roman, Virgil takes a drastic measure. The others are determined to make things right.
Series: Sanders sides revamped [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033806
Comments: 9
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SO basically I'm reuploading my very first sanders sides fic. I don't wanna just delete the originals, so I'm revamping it here, because I originally wrote it before I realized chapters were a thing, so each chapter was a separate part. I also didn't know how tags worked, so hopefully more people will be able to find this version. I also didn't space paragraphs, it was a mess. 
> 
> Anyway, new and improved version! 
> 
> Also, this was before we knew Deceit's name, so his name here is different. And it uses my headcannon (from the time) that Virgil had lied about what his name was, because he panicked. So that'll come up.
> 
> I am still really proud of this series, so go easy on me plz

It was dark. Not unusual for his room, it tended to be dark and gloomy, lit by scattered purple tinted lights and black heady smelling candles. His things were strewn about, clothes scattered over the floor, bed a nest of blankets, pillows and discarded socks. Papers were posted on the walls, sketches of monsters and disturbing scenes, notebooks next to the bed, filled with scribbles, fragments of dreams and notes and feelings. All the things he couldn’t and wouldn’t say to the others.

He slammed the door behind him, resting his fists against it, head leaning on the cool wood, trying to steady his breathing from the ragged gasps it was coming in now.

“Virgil, that’s not what I meant!” Roman called from the other side of the door, unable to enter with Virgil inside and unwilling to open the door. His will kept it shut tight.

“You said exactly what you meant. You always do, Roman.” He spat the name out, a taste like vinegar on his tongue, acid making his throat burn, keeping back the tears.

“Virgil please, open the door and we can talk this out kiddo.” Patton. His worried voice almost made him give in, just because he hated seeing him upset the most. Of all of them, 

Patton was the most innocent, what he thought of as the best of them. Everything he wasn’t.

“We should probably give him time to cool off, in most cases once time is between events the emotions that go with them are less volatile and things can be worked out more, well, logically.” Virgil rolled his eyes, sitting on the bed and pulling his hood over his head and his knees to his chest, wrapping himself tightly in a large comforter.  
Their noises and discussion were muffled from the safety of his nest, eventually fading completely as they left, probably discussing him somewhere else. Probably talking about him behind his back. About how he always over reacts, how he’s useless, how he does nothing for Thomas besides scare him.

That’s what Roman had said, anyway. Not those words, exactly. But that’s what he meant. Angrily, he grabbed a note book, freeing his arms from under the blankets, sketching out Roman’s profile, his stupid sash, his useless sword, his idiotic outfit. He was making the lines too thick and dark, putting too much pressure on the pencil tip, and it snapped suddenly, leaving a ragged streak across the page.

Even in this drawing, Roman looked perfect. Even in crude lines and lead streaked smears, he could envision Roman’s stupid smile, and over enunciated voice, running off on some idiotic adventure that would get Thomas killed, not that anyone other than him actually cared about danger. Patton would follow anyone anywhere, and Logan would be too busy studying statistics and coming to a scientific conclusion, by the time he got involved Thomas would already be in danger. Did anyone ever listen to him? No. Of course not. He was just the worried one, the silly afraid of everything one, the scaredy cat one, the flight not fight one. The problematic one.  
He let out a strangled yell, a sound of anger and frustration and pure sadness, ripping the drawing roughly out of the sketchbook and tossing it crumpled across the room. It didn’t make nearly satisfying enough a sound.

He stood, shaking in anger, fists clenched. He grabbed a ceramic owl and threw it against the wall, it shattered with satisfying zeal, a bright, clear sound. He threw a lamp next, glass bulb shattering, metal stand chipping away the wood of the wall. He knocked over the bookshelf of sketchbooks and archaic tomes, books scattering across the floor, sending loose papers fluttering through the air. He fell to his knees and slammed the ground with his fists, tears finally running silently down his face, heart cracked and bleeding.  
They were right. He was useless. He couldn’t do anything. What was even the point. Thomas didn’t need him. They didn’t need him. They all had their happy friendship circle of rainbows and sparkles. He was just holding them all back. He felt a chill run down his spine, the hair on his neck stand up.

“What do you want?” He asked, voice raw and thick, unable to muster the venom necessary to deal with this Side.

“Me? Why would I want anything? In fact, I wouldn’t be able to get in here if you didn’t want me to. Why lock out all your so-called friends, but let me inside?” The voice circled him, and Virgil looked up at the yellow eyed, snake skinned face of Deceit. He dropped his gaze, realizing his fist was so tight he left crescent moon marks on his palm.

“You know I can’t stop you from getting in here, and I’m not in the mood for one of your visits right now.” Virgil muttered, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Why so down? Oh, I see. Have you finally realized what you’ve known from the start? That they don’t want you? That you shouldn’t have trusted them to start with? That the only real friend, the only one who ever truly looked out for you, was me?” His long-nailed hand tilted Virgil’s chin up, feeling his tremors.

“That’s not true.” He whispered, slapping Deceit’s hand away and glaring at the floor.

“Sweet, poor “Virgil”. All alone in the world, no one who understands you. Understands what you do, how important you are. They don’t really know you, they don’t even know your name. You know you only have to ask and I can make everything better.” The yellow eyes were all Virgil’s dark ones could see. They seemed to glow, seemed to suck him in.

“they’ll never understand us. You tried so hard and still they refuse to see. We’re just trying to protect Thomas from himself. They’d rather we didn’t exist at all.”  
Virgil closed his eyes for a moment, steadying himself with a breath in, out. He opened his eyes, glowing purple in the dim light, unwaveringly meeting Deceit’s, hopeless and empty. He hadn’t said anything he himself hadn’t already been thinking.

“Just make it all go away.” He whispered, biting his lip. Deceit smiled, black smoke coiling up his legs, around his arms, bright eyes and a white, sharp smile grinning through the black.

“Your wish is my command.” Virgil closed his eyes as the smoke snake struck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others discover something has happened to Virgil.

Roman jolted up from the chair he’d been lounging in, playing a lute and writing a song, something sweet to make up for his words. The lute, usually so carefully cared for, dropped to the ground unnoticed, falling out of his stunned hands. Something was very wrong. He rushed out of his room, running face first into Patton, who grabbed his hand and towed him along to the meeting place. Thomas was calling them.

“Um guys, what was that?” Thomas asked, as they all popped into place. Everyone except… “And where’s Virgil?” He asked, scanning the circle. Roman’s mouth felt dry.

“I may have said some harsh things earlier that I shouldn’t have, and he may be angry with me at the moment.” He answered, worried eyes meeting Logan’s.

“Oh. Well are you guys all ok, cause I felt real weird there for a second?” Thomas inquired. Logan cleared his throat.

“We are all fine as long as you are fine and, obviously, you’re not struggling with a moral dilemma at the moment, so it seems everything is in order.”

“Ok if you guys say so. See you later, I guess?” Thomas waved them off, still feeling unsettled.  
They popped back into the living room, Patton jumping in first.

“Ok so what the gosh darn heck was that?”

“I don’t know, but something obviously disrupted the equilibrium of Thomas’s mind, thus affecting each of us. We all simultaneously felt … something, a loss or warning.” The word loss rang in Roman’s mind.

“Guys where’s Virgil?” He said softly, stomach twisting.

In a second, they were all at his door, Patton in the lead. He knocked, surprised as the door opened at his touch, not even in the latch.

“Kiddo? You in here?” He called, cautiously stepping inside, aware of how private Virgil was about his space. He frowned as he stepped on something, looking down and seeing shattered glass.

Roman tossed a ball of light up, hovering near the ceiling in the middle of the room, and felt his heart drop. They all stood in shocked silence, taking in the pure destruction of the room. Virgil was usually messy, but this…

“What… what happened?” Patton asked, picking up a picture of the four of them, the glass broken. He took it out, looking at them all smiling, laughing. A small hint of a smirk on Virgil’s face.

He looked back up at the others. Roman’s hand was on the hilt of his sword, surveying the scene for danger. Logan’s mind was working overtime, he could practically hear the gears whirring with calculations, looking for clues. For any explanation that didn’t end in disaster.

Something sparkled in the corner of Roman’s eye. He turned, looking at the wall above Virgil’s desk. He threw his light orb against it, illuminating the entire wall, except where someone else’s power had corrupted it.

Where it didn’t glow formed two slit pupiled eyes and a sharp toothed smile. His eyes narrowed and his hand clenched the sword so tight it turned white. He hissed the name, full of hate, with all his wrath.

“Deceit.”

“You rang?” They all spun towards the doorway, where he leaned carelessly, fedora tipped down over his face, a dark silhouette against the light. Roman lunged forwards, held back by Patton and Logan.

“What have you done to him?” he demanded, Deceit chuckled, standing straight and looking at him, one gold eye gleaming.

“What makes you so sure I did anything? Maybe I was just helping a friend in need.”

“You’re not his friend!” Roman spat. Deceit cocked his head.

“Because you know Virgil sooo well, don’t you Princey? Is that why he asked me to help him get away from you, all of you, because you’re just such good friends? Because you understand each other so well? Please. How many times have you ignored him, put him down, spoken over him, all but told him he doesn’t belong?”

“I never said that! I never meant any of that!” Roman spluttered, stricken.

“Ah, now who’s the liar?” Deceit hissed in his ear, reappearing leaning in the doorway before Roman could even draw his sword, eyes hard as steel.

“None of that’s true! He’s smart and funny and brave and you… you are a jerk face!” Patton exclaimed, stepping forwards. Deceit rolled his eyes.

“You don’t even know him. I warned him about you all, when he was first invited to join your little happy band. Told him it would only break his heart, that Sides like us aren’t wanted. Well, now he’s seen what it’s like and he’s come home.”

“Falsehood! He didn’t know you. No one really does.” Logan exclaimed.

“Oh, he never told you, did he? We were quite good friends, back in the day. Before you three came barging in. Then again, there’s a lot he hasn’t told you. Take a look around, you might learn some things. Now, I believe our business here is finished.” He stood, twirling his cane.

“We will get him back.” Roman swore. A smile creeped across Deceit’s face.

“You’ll have to reach us first.” A hiss of black smoke, and he was gone.

“What did he mean? What hasn’t Virgil told us?” Patton asked, after a moment of silence.

“Roman. Come look at this.” It was Logan, paging through a book that had been left ajar on the bed. Coming closer he recognized the sharp, disorderly handwriting as Virgil’s. It was filled with journal entries, all scribbled out fast and desperately, voicing his own despair, his own loathing, his own hopelessness. Reading it, every sharp word, every rebuke, every snide comment, was amplified a thousand-fold in Virgil’s mind. They all glanced at each other, eyes wide.

“He never said…” Patton trailed off, realizing off course Virgil never said. Why would he, when he thought no one would care? He looked up at the others, shaken. “What do we do now?” He asked. Roman took a deep breath, trying to push away all of Deceit’s words, the journal. Virgil would never listen to Deceit, would never leave with him willingly.

“We bring Virgil home.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where is Virgil?

Virgil stirred, yawning as he stretched, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. The room was very open concept, sleek and modern furniture, patterns made of blacks and whites. He’d been tucked in on a couch, soft, fluffy blanket wrapped around him. He stood, blanket draped over his shoulders as he made his way to the kitchen, finding his favorite mug and putting grounds in the coffee maker, cracking his neck while he waited.

He looked over his shoulder at the slight whoosh, Deceit appearing in the middle of the living room he’d been sleeping in, dark smoke dissipating almost instantly.

“Out and about kinda early, huh?” Virgil asked, raising an eyebrow. Deceit smiled, throwing his hat carelessly, landing it perfectly on the coat rack.

“What can I say, duty calls.” He replied, leaning against the kitchen island, across from Virgil.

“I see you’re making yourself at home.” He commented, Virgil snorted and flipped his hair back, grabbing another mug and pouring the coffee. Neither added any sugar.

“I might as well start calling this my room, I crash here enough.” Virgil replied, blowing on the hot liquid, deciding to risk a sip, and burning his tongue. Deceit tutted.

“Patience is a virtue.”

“Oh please Milo, you just added an ice cube to yours.” He froze, just for a second, but it felt like forever. It had been an eternity since anyone used his real name, since anyone knew his name. Deceit, Milo, regained composure and took a swig.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re speaking of. Besides, would I ever lie to you, Lucian?” Milo took another sip to hide his pleasure as Lucian rolled his eyes. Virgil. What a ridiculous name to tell them. Lucian was much more fitting.

“Just shut up and make some breakfast. I’m starving and we both know I can’t cook.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sides begin their quest and Virgil gets into a bit of trouble.

“I’m sure this’ll be a piece of cake!” Patton said positively. To get to Deceit they’d have to pass through his part of the mind. It was dark and twisted, a black forest of worst memories and experiences, deepest fears and regrets. A heavy aura of dread surrounded it.

“Statistically that is impossible. This is impossible. Everything in there will mislead us. The second we step into that area we’ll be lost.” Logan replied, readjusting his glasses nervously.

“We can do this. Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind” Roman stepped forwards.

“I’m sorry did you just use a Lilo and Stitch quote as your heroic pep talk?” Logan asked.

“Oh I love that movie! The part where Lilo gets to keep Stitch at the end cause of the adoption papers, it gets me every time!” Patton said, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Ok can we focus? We’re about to walk into extreme peril.” Logan stepped in.

“Right. Logan, how do we want to do this?” Roman turned to him, surprise on Logan’s face.

“Oh, you’re asking me?” He cleared his throat, thinking a moment. “Uh, well, since it’s Deceit’s territory, one must assume everything inside is a lie. Therefore, the direction that feels the most right to go, the easy path, the logical choice, is wrong. We should go the way that makes us feel the most uneasy, seems the most challenging, et cetera.” He surveyed the landscape with new perspective, looking for where the trees towered the tallest, the light seemed dimmest. Warily, Patton followed Logan, Roman taking the rear.

It wasn’t long before Patton was practically clinging to Roman’s arm, Logan sticking close on the other side, Roman in the lead, sword drawn. The woods were almost pitch black, and the farther in they went, the worse it got.

Screams echoed from deep within, screeching, inhuman sounds that they uneasily headed towards instead of away. The trees seemed to cling to them, Roman hacking away what he could, but vines seemed to creep out of nowhere, stinging nettles sticking to their pants, thorns ripping at their sleeves.

Black shadows moved out of the corner of their eyes, wavering, smoke like things with glowing eyes that vanished when they turned to face them. Underbrush moved unsettlingly, unseen things flitting overhead.

After following their worst instincts for what felt like hours, the trio reached a cave. All three were exhausted, pale and tight drawn, trying to keep control of their fear, everything screaming in them to run the other direction.

“Uh uh, no way, not happening.” Patton was the first to speak, looking into the pure, light sucking black of the barely standing height tunnel.

“I have to side with Patton here, Roman. I know so far my theory seems to have proven correct, however this seems… like a poor idea.” Logan concurred, taking a step back. Roman looked at the darkness, considering. Silent and intense.

“That’s the way through. I know it. Look, I’m going no matter what. Here, take this” He held out the sword to Logan, showing him how to position his hands on the hilt, “getting out of here is a heck of a lot easier than getting in, I’d imagine, you shouldn’t have a problem navigating the way back.”

“Wait, so we’re leaving you?” Patton piped up, looking wide eyed at Roman, who nodded.

“This is gonna be dangerous. I won’t drag you into this if you don’t want to go.”

“I think… It makes the most sense to stick together. If we’d done that with Virgil, then we wouldn’t be here right now.” Logan replied, holding the sword back out to Roman.

“Yeah, we’re like a team, we’re stronger when we all work together!” Patton chirped. Roman smiled just a bit, then let his shoulders relax as he let out a long breath.

“Alright. Then let’s do this. Together.” Holding hands, they walked into the dark.  
... 

Lucian wandered the twisting halls, slinking around corners, shoulders hunched. This is why he loved Milo’s place so much more than his own, it was almost impossible to navigate.

The main living area was easy, sure, but once you wandered out that doorway, it was a maze of rooms opening into other rooms opening into halls that twisted until it looked like you were walking on the ceiling, up stairs, and gravity had reversed.

It was never the same layout, either. The position of doors and halls seemed to constantly shift on a whim. You’d go in a room and leave out the same door you came in, into a completely new area. Once he’d even stepped through without looking, falling straight into a swimming pool of a room.

He’d spluttered, weighed down by his jacket, caught completely off guard. He’d almost sunk below water when a hand reached out and pulled him back through the door, where he lay on the ground gasping like a fish out of water.

He’d finally gained enough composure to sit up and push his hair out of his eyes, realizing Milo was leaning casually against the wall.

“Be careful where you step, Luca. You never know what’s around the next corner. I’m not always home to retrieve you, y’know.” He’d winked, reappearing farther down the hall.

“Well, you coming? I imagine those wet clothes feel very warm and cozy.” He’d called, disappearing around a corner.

To anyone else it would’ve seemed carefree, almost callous. But Virgil saw how he never was too far ahead to see, and kept glancing back to make sure Lucian was still following him when he thought he wasn’t looking, until they reached the main room again. He cared, he just wasn’t the best at showing it.

Maybe that’s why they worked so well together. Lucian wasn’t all touchy feely like some of the other sides could be, he didn’t want attention, he didn’t care. He just worried about everything. And if Milo was good at one thing it was lying, so Lucian could almost believe him when he’d curl up, overwhelmed and hyperventilating, when Milo told him everything would be alright if he just breathed.

Usually, the feeling of moving let him zone out, let his mind stop and his feet move. But today, the more he walked and wandered, the worse his mood became. It was the feeling that you’ve lost something important, but don’t know where. That there’s something you were going to say but forgot as soon as you opened your mouth.

He shook his head, trying to drown out the sound of his own voices telling him everything that was wrong with the universe, the world, the country, but mostly and loudest, himself.

And he forgot to watch his step. Empty air opened before him, so quick he didn’t even have time to scream.

Then two hands locked onto his arm, halting his descent as quickly as it’d started, causing him to slam into the stone of the shaft he’d stumbled into.

“Luca!” the voice finally came through his ringing ears. He looked up, blinking, for a moment seeing a man in a sash, before his vision cleared and he saw Milo’s mismatched eyes.  
“I need your other hand.” He said calmly, seeing now that he had Lucian’s attention. Lucian swung upwards, managing to catch Milo’s hand in his, feet scrabbling against the wall for purchase as he was hauled upwards, the trapdoor that had opened slamming shut and vanishing behind him.

They sat on the ground in silence for a moment, Lucian noticing Milo looked more disarmed than he’d ever seen him. Then he took a small, steadying breath and smiled his lopsided smirk.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” He stood, offering Lucian a hand up, who almost fell back down thanks to his wobbling legs.

“Well at least it wasn’t water this time.” Milo raised an eyebrow.

“Because last I checked solid ground was forgiving when landing on it after falling through the air for a considerable amount of time. Yes, air is much better cushioning than water.” Milo replied. Lucian let out a bark of laughter, pushing his hair back.

“How do you always know where to find me anyway?” Lucian asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“I always know when you need help Luca. I keep an eye out. Us dark Sides stick together.” He winked and looped an arm around Lucian’s, steering him down the hall back to the main room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The quest continues and Deceit's house tries it's best to get to them.

The tunnel narrowed until they walked through it single file, then crouched, then crawled. Howls echoed through the rock, vibrating the walls closing in around them. Slimy, sticky, wetness crawled over their hands, spiderwebs covering their faces, hissing ringing in their ears, icy breath on the back of their necks.

“Guys?” Patton called out, voice shaky, on the verge of tears. “Guys!”

“We’re here Pat. It’s ok.” Logan answered from behind him, almost bumping into Patton before realizing he’d stopped.

“I don’t… I don’t know if I can do this. I wanna get out. I can’t….” Logan could feel him trembling, his breath coming shallow and fast. It took him a moment to realize he knew what this was.

“Roman!” Logan called, getting no answer. Usually Roman managed to talk down Virgil when this happened to him, Logan was no good at it. His statistics and probabilities just made it worse. But right now, Roman was out of earshot, or worse, and he was all Patton had. “Ok, Patton, listen to me. I know I’m not good at the whole blind optimism thing, and I know that I can’t say everything is alright, because quite frankly it’s not. We’re in a dark tunnel probably designed to scare us away or drive us crazy on our way to rescue a friend who was probably kidnapped by our least favorite person in the world and I know none of that is comforting but here’s the thing,” he paused, taking a breath so he could continue “I know we can’t do this without you. Because you love everyone and trust blindly and are everything Deceit is not. I get hung up on the details, Roman gets overdramatic, but you just are unapologetically you. And you can do this. Ok?” It was silent for a long moment, but he could hear Patton’s snuffles dying down.

“Ok. Logan- “

“There’s light up ahead, I think we’re almost there!” Roman’s voice echoed from down the tunnel, bouncing back to them as the ground began to rumble.

“What’s that?” Patton asked smally.

“We need to move!” Logan replied, pushing Patton, who started scrambling forwards as the walls began to shake, dust and small pebbles falling on their heads and making them cough.

Roman was already out the other end, holding his hand out to help pull Patton out as the ground shook so violently, they fell. Logan was halfway out when a rock slide came rushing down the side of the cliff face.

Time seemed to freeze, and without thinking Patton lunged forwards, grabbing Logan’s arm and pulling as hard and fast as he could, sending them both tumbling backwards over the grass a second before the rockslide crashed down, exactly where Logan had just been.

In a second Patton was hugging Logan so tightly he could barely breathe, Roman trying to make sure neither was injured.

“I’m fine, honestly, Patton please let go now.” Logan sputtered, waving off Roman and trying to disentangle from Patton enough to stand up. He finally let go, and Logan got to his feet, brushing himself off.

They turned to face Deceit’s house, a surprisingly small rustic cabin.

“Hey Logan?”

“Yeah Pat?”

“Thanks.” He let out a sheepish smile. “Now let’s go get our boy.”

They pushed open the door, stopping on the threshold, taken aback at the sprawling complex they stepped into, it looked like an optical illusion n. All marble halls and stairs, twisting in impossible ways, doorways on the ceiling, openings to nothing.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Roman muttered, frustrated.

“To be honest, we should’ve seen this coming. I mean, it is Deceit.” Logan commented.

“So how are we supposed to find him?” Patton asked, wide eyed as he spun slowly, taking it all in.”

“Logan, do you have a marker?” Roman asked, smiling as Logan almost immediately pulled one out of thin air.

“I always come prepared for anything. Why?” He asked, handing it over.

“Because now, we can see where we’ve been.” Roman replied, pulling off the cap and drawing a large X over the nearest doorway. He turned back grinning. “Not bad right? Using   
my smarts.” Roman tapped his temple. Logan rolled his eyes, playfully shoving past Roman.

“Excuse you sir, I’m the best at puzzles so I’ll take it from here.” Logan replied, taking the lead, as Roman fell into step on the right and Patton on the left, ready to conquer the world.

And then they stepped into the hall of mirrors.  
...  
“Woooow, this is nifty, isn’t it? Look at this Logan, I’m a giant!” Patton said, looking in one of the illusion mirrors, stretched tall and skinny. “Roman, what do you look like?” Patton asked excitedly, clapping his hands, turning around seeing no one. “Um Logan? Roman? Where you at kiddos? Playing hide and seek huh? Alright, guess I’m it!” he called out, pushing away his uneasiness and pushing onwards into the mirror maze.

“Look who it is, Papa Patton here to wrangle the wayward son.” Patton spun, seeing Virgil in a mirror.

“Kiddo, I’m so happy to see you, I was worried sick! Also, nice music reference, I see what you did there.” He hurried towards Virgil, bumping face first into a mirror. Turning, he saw half a dozen mirrors reflecting Virgil in different forms, tall and skinny, fat and short, wide and stout. “Now how do I get to you?” He asked. Virgil tsked.

“Are you happy though? Because it seems to me you’ve been pretty down lately. You can’t fool me Patton, I see right through you.”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about Virg. This isn’t funny, come out!” He called, trying to feel his way forward through the maze.

“Please, you act all happy and perfect all the time, but I know what you’re hiding. You’re sad. Lonely. I give you credit though, you’re almost a better actor than Roman. You stick to the script and read your lines like a good little side should and never let anyone know what’s going on below the surface.”

“That’s not true.” Patton whispered, frantically trying to find a way through, a way out.

“I know sometimes you cry yourself to sleep. You borrow Roman’s makeup to hide the bags under your eyes when you were up late moping. The same thoughts that play through my mind play through yours, what if we, what did we, if only, you live in the past Patton. Grow up!” Virgil’s deep voice echoed through his ears as he met no resistance of mirrors, landing on his hands and knees.

It was a circular chamber, the mirror maze behind him. One lonely mirror standing in the middle, his own face reflected back at him.

“You're stupid and vapid and they all know it. You never have anything useful to add, you’re just a distraction. We’d all be better off with you gone. You’d be better off gone. You. Are. Useless.”

He felt his heart racing, his breath coming fast and shallow, all he could hear were the words he was spitting at himself, a dark cloud closing in on him. No one was here to talk him down this time. He was drowning in himself, in all the thoughts, memories, dreams he held that he pushed down to spare Thomas, to spare the others, all the darkness that weighed on him constantly that he smiled through while he was breaking inside.

“What did I tell you Pat? No one loves you anyway.” He lifted his head, Virgil back in the mirror, arms crossed, hood up.

“no.” Patton said slowly, getting up and looking closer at the mirror, face to face. The reflection lifted an eyebrow, smirking. “Virgil would never say that. I have a hard time sometimes absorbing the negatives. And I have a hard time admitting that and asking for help. But without me, Thomas doesn’t feel anything. And that’s not good either. And having fun is not a distraction! It helps cheer us up! It makes the hard stuff easier and the easy stuff more enjoyable. Heck, even Virgil likes it. And youuuu aren’t Virgil!!!” He gasped, pointing at the mirror in shock. The reflection rolled its eyes.

“Really Patton, you are the slowest of the group, aren’t you? Now run along like a good boy before someone gets hurt.” The mirror Virgil hissed, vanishing in a wave of black smoke. Patton ran, determined to find the others.  
...

Logan adjusted his glasses, looking out at the mirror maze.

“Oh great another hall of illusory tricks meant to confuse and upend our self esteem and bravery. Luckily these are really quite easy to navigate once you take angle of reflection into account, you’re able to determine which way is mirrors and which way is out.” He took a few steps forwards before realizing there were no other footsteps following in his wake. He turned, tapping his chin.

“Ah, splitting us up, knowing as a group we work together and make up for each other’s insecurities and deficits, and keep each other from going too far or acting too rashly. Rather like the US’s checks and balances in government. Clever.” He turned back around, walking through the maze, adjusting his glasses once again. He was logic, and he would not be fooled by these cheap party tricks.

“How convenient there’s only three groups in those checks and balances. Forgetting someone again huh?” Virgil asked, reflected through the mirrors. Logan raised a hand, silencing him.

“Your tricks cannot fool me, that’s not Virgil, and it was merely coincidence.”

“Please. You never liked me. Every time I showed up you grumbled and groaned and made snide comments until I felt even more worthless than I already did. Your logic after all, if what you’re saying isn’t completely accurate, then what is?” Logan fiddled with his tie, refusing to look at the mirrors. He knew it was baiting him, but he couldn’t not respond. Not after seeing the journal. Seeing the walls of journals.

“Falsehood. I think logically and come to conclusions based on data I observe. But in every study, there is observer bias, and more so than that, flawed data. I observe things and interpret them, that doesn’t make me right. Have I observed that in some situations Virgil is more detrimental than helpful? Yes. However, I’ve also observed that without Virgil at all Thomas quickly falls apart, and, in some circumstances, Virgil should be the one taking the lead. There are instances where Thomas should be on guard and worried, and ready to defend himself if need be. Just because I don’t always agree with or even appreciate your, Virgil’s, input, doesn’t mean it is not necessary. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to attend to.” Logan finished, coming to the end of the mirror maze, striding confidently out the door. 

He’d never made Virgil think he’d hated him, did he?  
...

Roman paused, admiring his reflection.

“Guys, this one makes my muscles look even bigger than they naturally are! Oh, and this one makes me look tall!” He posed, taking his most heroic stance.

“Because of course all you care about is how you look. No one else matters as much as you do, do they Princey? No one else’s voice gets to be heard. You just shut us all down. Especially me.” Virgil’s voice echoed through the room, though he was nowhere to be seen.

“Virgil, I didn’t mean what I said!” He called, frustratedly trying to get through the glass, taking the wrong turn at every crossroads.

“What, that I’m stupid, that all I do is drag you down and hold you back, that I don’t even do anything good and if I can’t hold my tongue I should just leave?” Roman punched a mirror, shattering it.

“I didn’t mean it! I was just…”

“Angry? Seems you get angry at me a lot. Seems like you don’t even want me around. Well I took your advice. You won’t see me again Roman, just like you wanted. The others know this is all your fault. I wonder how long before they get sick of you too.”

Roman slashed at the mirrors with his sword, sending glass shards flying as he charged through the maze, breaking a way through.

“That’s not what I wanted!” He growled, falling forwards as he met no resistance of glass, barely catching himself from falling on the floor.

“It’s always me me me with you Roman. Did you know I wanted so desperately to fit in, for you all to like me that you rejecting me over and over and over drove me further into the dark? Did you know I came here on my own, I begged for his help because I couldn’t stand to be around you anymore? Did you know every word you said cut me sharp as your blade because I most want to be like you? Did you ever think about anyone besides yourself? Did you ever think about me!?” Virgil yelled, glaring down at Roman from the center of the chamber, eyeshadow thicker than ever.

Roman was silent, hands sweaty and breathing hard. He realized his shirt was cut up from the glass and he had cuts on his hands, his hair a mess.

“I’m not a damsel in distress Roman. I don’t need to be saved. I’m right where I want to be. Right where I should have stayed in the first place. I don’t want you, I don’t need you, I never did. You failed. Now go home.” Roman trembled, then gripped his sword tighter and lifted his head, blazing eyes meeting Virgil’s.

“No. I do make mistakes, and sometimes despite my best attempts I fail. But not at this. I won’t fail at this.” Roman charged, swinging his sword through where Virgil stood, connecting with nothing but air as dark smoke scattered and dissipated.

He stood stock still for a moment, realizing his eyes were wet he angrily swiped his face with his sleeve. He sheathed his sword, taking a breath and walking onwards. He would not stop now.

And was nearly plowed over by Patton hurdling at him from the right, Logan striding towards him from the left. Patton hugged him tight, clearly upset, while he tried to pat his back and calm him down.

“So, I am assuming you two also went through a similar experience in a hall of mirrors meant to test our weaknesses and flaws and persuade us to turn around and or abandon each other.” Logan commented, politely dodging Patton’s hug.

“Uh huh” Patton squeaked, and Roman nodded. Logan clapped his hands, making them both jump.

“Logan what have we said about the noises?” Roman asked, recovering.

“Right, I forgot sudden noises startle all of us, I simply meant we have reached the end of trials according to the classic rule of three. First the woods, then the tunnel, then the maze. Therefore, we should be at our desired destination, in this case, Virgil.” They all turned, seeing a massive and ornately carved door at the end of the hall. As one, they strode forwards and pushed it open.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally reach Virgil, but Deceit has a couple more tricks up his sleeve.

It revealed maybe the last scene they expected. It was a modern looking living room/kitchen area, rather stylish, and not at all what they had assumed Deceit’s room would be.

“So, everyone else thought it would be less oooh and more AAAAHHH right?” Patton asked.

“I had envisioned some kind of evil lair filled with wicked dark magic and cauldrons for brewing nasty poisons.” Roman replied, hand on hilt.

“It is… unusual.” Logan agreed.

“Um, I’m sorry, what is happening right now?” They stared as Virgil entered from a side door, Deceit behind him. His eyes flicked over the three, now standing on guard, and tipped his hat.

“It seems we have unexpected visitors. I believe from the Light Side too.” He commented. Virgil snorted.

“Oh great, the popular kids decided to drop in. What, finally remembered you’re not the only ones running around in here?” He asked, crossing his arms.

“Virgil… it’s us… It’s me, Roman.” He took a step forwards, eyes locked on Virgil’s confused ones.

“First of all, who’s Virgil? Secondly, do I know you, tasteless fancy pants?” He asked, smirking.

“Kiddo, what are you talking about? We saw your room was a mess and came to find you… don’t you remember us?” Patton asked, trying to rush to him across the room, held back by Logan.

“It would seem his memory function has been tampered with.” Logan responded, brain working overtime. “But why? How?”

“Oh, I can tell you how from a light year away. Deceit what did you do?!” Roman yelled, drawing his sword and charging forwards, stopped by a purple dome that surrounded Virgil and Deceit.

“Virgil you can’t possibly defend him, you hate him the most out of anyone here! Please, stop this!” Roman argued, Virgil’s eyes sparking purple with use of his power.

“That’s not my name! Whoever you think I am, I’m not. “Deceit” as you call him is pretty much the only one who cares at all to be around me. I don’t know what you think you’re doing kicking down the door like some kind of home invader, but you’re not hurting him, and you’re not taking me anywhere.” Roman was close enough to see the small trembles in Vir- anxiety’s shoulders. Holding up the shield was taking effort.

“I don’t know what these buffoons think they’re talking about Lucian. They should know I couldn’t do anything to you if I wanted to.” Roman’s eyes snapped to Deceit for a moment.

“Wait your real name is Lucian? That’s adorable! I think that’s just as good as Virgil my little misunderstood cinnamon roll!” Patton exclaimed, forgetting levity as excitement took over.

“It was on my list of original guesses. To be honest I was kind of thrown off by the whole “Virgil” thing. After all, my deductions are rarely wrong.” Logan commented, adjusting his glasses.

“Riiiight well, as much fun as this is, I think you all should leave.” Lucian replied, lowering the shield.

“But we came all this way! Come on, you remember us, you have to!” Patton exclaimed, holding tight to his hoodie.

“I think it’s clear what he wants. So why don’t you scatter like good little mice?” Deceit asked, eyes flashing gold.

Roman’s sword fell from his hands with a clang, all eyes turning back to him.

“He can’t do anything unless you wanted.” Roman whispered, looking up into Lucian’s eyes. “I did this. I made you want this. That fight we had… I hadn’t even thought… I didn’t think you would do this. That I would make you want to do this. I’m sorry Virgil, Lucian, whatever your real name is, the point is, I’m truly deeply sorry. I never meant to make you feel left out or put down. I just get…passionate sometimes and say things I don’t mean because I’m frustrated. Partly because I’m frustrated with myself. I say things without thinking and am too proud to apologize or back down even when I know I’m wrong. I should have known it cuts deeper than you let on. I know you have a hard time with me, and I’m the hardest one for you to deal with, we disagree on almost everything. But please don’t do this because of me. Because we need you. I need you.” Roman held out his hand.

“I- “Virgil started, eyes wide, confusion swirling in his mind. Half remembered thoughts and feelings, snapshots and images played through his head. The four of them in his room nearly going crazy from it, new jacket with a logo on it, purple hair that shone like a peacock, Logic in a detective outfit, Patton in a cat onesie, Roman getting schooled in a rap battle. He stumbled back, waves of emotions washing over him. They belonged to him, but not him.

“What a cute little speech.” Deceit slow clapped, shadows gathering around his feet. “But what do you think happens next? Your little band of travelers is exhausted. It took everything in you to get here. And now, there’s no getting back.” He hissed, snapping his fingers.

Instantly darkness flooded the room. They stood on an ebony black plane, their outlines shimmering in the darkness.

“Did you think my helping him was purely altruistic, or are you all just idiots? Do you think you have any power in my room? You’re in my house now, boys. And that means it’s time to play.”

Suddenly the shadows came to life. Sharp clawed, wailing things that tried to scratch and claw and drag them under. Roman slashed through two with his sword, getting to Patton and Logan. Patton threw balls of bright blue light at figures farther away, exploding them into multicolored fireworks. Logan worked defense, throwing shields to block enemies’ easy passage to them, holding them back where he could.

“Milo… I don’t understand.” Lucian stuttered out, clutching his hair.

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Luca. You trust me, don’t you?” He nodded, numbly. He seemed to remember someone else asking that question. He knew them… how could he know them?

Milo vanished from his side, reappearing in the fray, here tripping Roman, making him miss a swing, allowing an enemy through, there breaking a shield as easy as cracking ice, the next moment shoving Patton, separating him from the group. They were each surrounded in the darkness, alone, fighting monsters.

Lucian felt like his head was going to explode. It seemed overfull with thoughts and memories, flashes of lights, explosions of sounds. Everything was too loud, everything was too bright, his own breathing was too loud, his heart too loud in his ears. He was on his knees, hands covering his ears, trying to block it all out, he caught sight of a flash of blue.

Patton yelped, legs swiped out from under him, summoning a small dome around himself, the shadows wailing against it. He ground his teeth as hairline cracks formed.

Logan fought his way to him, reaching a hand out and pulling Patton back to his feet, their light growing brighter as they held hands, energy slightly renewed.

Roman still slashed at the shadows, eyes blazing as Deceit popped in and out of space around him, always just out of reach, toying with him like a cat with a mouse.

“Come on Roman, I expected at least you to do better than this. Isn’t this whole slaying beasts thing supposed to be your specialty?” Deceit taunted. Roman roared, fire flaring along his sword’s length.

Lucian’s head shot up, looking across the battlefield, eyes locking on the prince. Milo was leading him on, he could see it clear as day. Every move, every step, was all planned. He could see the power growing in Milo’s eyes. He saw the other two, trapped, but holding their own, trying to make their way to Roman.

“Roman.” He whispered, eyes widening, hands falling to his sides. He felt a cloud clearing from his mind, everything rushing in, everything piecing itself together, putting it back in its proper place. His eyes skimmed to Patton and Logan. Their shield was cracking, large fissures splitting through it. In a second the shadows would be on them and they’d be empty.

For a moment he felt frozen. This was his fault, all his friends were going to die, if he ran in there he’d die too or he’d lose his mind or the world would end or-

He cut himself off, taking a deep breath, holding it, letting it out, like Thomas did. He pushed off the fear. He had to get to them. He smiled a bit. It may be Milo’s room, but he was a dark side too. Power flared to life in his hands, shimmering purple hues.

He punched his way through the swarm of monsters, popping in and out of place, flashes of his light exploding through the dark, reflecting off the smooth polished floor like lightning bolts. He punched and kicked, ducking swipes and blasting a path through the battle field until he reached Logan and Patton. He fired power into the air, it came crackling down on their shield, electrifying it and sending out a shockwave that evaporated all the enemies within a ten feet radius. The ground glowed around them.

Logan and Patton looked worse for wear, faces drawn and gray. Patton was curled on the floor, Logan kneeling beside him, a faint glow coming from his hands as he tried to hold the shield himself. Lucian remembered how much his room had worn on them, and they’d only been there a few minutes. Now they were in the realm of the strongest of the Dark Sides, and had been for who knows how long. Guilt twisted his gut.

“Don’t do anything, stay here.” He ordered them, not that it looked like they’d get far anyway. Patton didn’t seem to hear, but Logan nodded, dropping his shield as Lucian’s sparked bright around them.

Lucian took a breath, looking where Roman now stood, sword ablaze, facing Deceit. Milo. His eyes hardened, glinting violet, and he teleported, reappearing in front of Roman, throwing up a shield just as a surge of black smoke roiled towards them. With a swipe of his hand, a blast of air surged around him, dispelling it.

“Milo, it’s time to stop this.” He lowered his shield, voice pleading. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Milo laughed.

“Hurt me? That’s sweet Luca. If only you’d though that a little sooner, maybe we wouldn’t be here.” He snarled.

“I’m sorry, ok! I didn’t think I just pushed you out cause I wanted to belong. I wanted to … to be something different. That’s on me. Leave them out of this.” He replied, voice shaky.

“See that’s what you’re missing, Luca. You’ll never be one of them. They will always” he snapped, “turn against you.”

Lucian turned, following Milo’s gaze to Roman. A golden skinned cobra had risen from the ground behind him without either Roman or him noticing. With a hiss it flared its hood, and before Lucian could yell out a warning, it struck, biting the side of Roman’s neck and vanished, gold streaking through his veins.

“Roman! What did you do!?” He yelled, looking over his shoulder at Deceit, who smirked, then vanished from sight. When he turned back to Roman, he yelped, ducking under a sword slash that would have decapitated him. Roman’s eyes were glowing a bright yellow, not even his irises visible through the haze.

Lucian stumbled back as Roman took another swing, catching the edge of his jacket and ripping it.

“Roman, I won’t fight you.” He raised his hands in surrender, backing up as Roman continued his advance. “This isn’t you. I know it isn’t.” He dodged right as Roman feinted left, hissing in pain as the sword grazed his cheek, leaving a stinging cut behind. As he stumbled, Roman struck again, hitting him in the stomach with the pommel, sending him crashing to the ground, air knocked out of him.

He rolled out of the way as a bolt of fire struck the ground where he’d just been, singing his coat. Lucian grit his teeth, getting back on his feet, just in time to get backhanded by Roman’s fist. He reeled back, head snapping to the side.

“Roman please- “He was cut off by another blast of fire he barely managed to dispel with a swipe of wind. Through the resulting cloud of smoke Roman slashed, cutting down his arm from shoulder to elbow. He gasped, throwing up another shield as Roman parried forwards, clanging against it and knocking Lucian down onto his knees.

“I won’t fight back. I won’t hurt you.” Lucian said, voice echoing as it only did when he was afraid. Roman’s grip on his sword shook as he swung forwards again, cracks spreading through Lucian’s barrier.

“I know you’re not doing this. I know he’s making you. All to prove a stupid point.” He gasped out, as Roman hit the shield with the pommel, cracks spreading and widening as Lucian ran out of strength. His whole body ached and blood flowed from his injured arm, the other hand held out before him, shaking as he held on to the last of his power conjuring the shield.

“I know you never meant to hurt me” another hit, and he felt his ears ringing. But he saw the yellow flicker out, just for a second. Just enough to give him hope and meet Roman’s eyes.

“But I know you’re stronger than him. And I trust you, Roman. I do.” He whispered, dispelling his shield as he locked eyes with Roman, seeing the gold flicker in and out in his veins as he raised his sword. Lucian smiled sadly, exhaustedly.

“I forgive you, Roman. And I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes as he heard the whoosh of air, felt it swing towards him, he braced himself for the blow. It didn’t come.  
He peeked up, the sword a hairs breadth away from his throat, Roman wide eyed and shocked, still as a statue for a moment. Then the sword clanged to the floor and before Lucian had a chance to process a thing, he was being held tight, breathing in Roman’s scent of roses and lilacs.

“Hey Princey.” He murmured, trying not to grin.

“Don’t you EVER do that to us again! I will lock you up in a tower and charge the dragon witch to stand guard for a thousand years if you so much as think of it!” Roman scolded, pulling back and shaking Lucian slightly to emphasize his words. But he was smiling too, tears running down his face.

Lucian flinched as Roman helped him to his feet, injured right arm cradled against his body, his other arm around Roman’s shoulders as they made their way to the others, the battle ground oddly silent now.

Lucian slid to his knees next to Logan, who cradled Patton in his lap. Though not physically injured, it was clear Deceit’s realm was hitting him the hardest, sweat beaded his forehead and he seemed barely awake, almost as if he was running a high fever.

“There’s my kiddo.” He croaked out, reaching for Lucian’s hand. He smiled, taking Patton’s hand and squeezing it.  
“Hey Pat. You two ok?” He asked, looking at Logan, who cleared his throat.

“Apart from the obvious effects on us of this portion of the mind, we’ve suffered no physical trauma of any lasting sort. Unlike you, it seems.” He pointed out, examining the deep gash on Lucian’s arm, who shrugged.

“What can I say, Princey can do a pretty convincing Hulk impersonation.” He replied, wincing as Logan tried to push up his sleeve to get a better look. Logan frowned, worry creasing his brow.

“We need to get home, as soon as possible. Unfortunately, our way here has been blocked and, in any case, navigating through the house again seems unwise.” Logan pointed out, and Lucian smirked.

“um, I can get us out of here in a second.” They all looked at him in surprise. “What? I am from here. Kinda. I just need a minute to recharge and focus a bit.” He replied, hugging his arm tighter.

“You can do it, my little goth baby boy.” Patton said weakly. Lucian rolled his eyes, smiling.

“It’s not really goth. It’s more “emo” I believe.” Logan replied, adjusting his glasses.

“Yes, you can see that from the dark eyeshadow and clothing, yet distinct lack of spikiness.” Roman replied.

“Well I don’t care what your style is, you are fantastic.” Patton replied.

“Thanks, I guess.” Lucian said. Trying not to blush he looked away, catching a glint in the corner of his eye. He saw Milo, eyes flashing angrily. He caught Lucian’s eye and smiled darkly, putting a finger to his lips. He felt his throat close up as Milo summoned a bow and drew back an arrow, then fired.

He had the space of a heartbeat to react. He reached for his power but there was nothing left, he’d used it all. Milo had silenced him, he couldn’t warn them. So, he did the only thing he could to protect.

He summoned all the strength he had left, shoving Patton and Logan aside as the arrow flew true. It struck deep in his heart, absorbed into it as bright golden fire swirled inside him, flickering through his veins. For a moment, his eyes met Milo’s, who stood frozen, almost as surprised as he was. Then a typhoon of fire swept past them, heat exploding around where Deceit had been standing, vanishing just before it hit.

“Virg!” Roman’s voice cut through the ringing in his ears, sounding as if his ears were stuffed with cotton and he was miles away. His head spun as he tried to summon his power, feeling nothing. He grit his teeth, baring down on his focus. He pushed away the dizziness making the room swirl around him, the dark fog that clouded the edges of his mind, the red wetness pouring down his jacket. He had to get them home. That was all that mattered. He had to get them home or they wouldn’t get home.

“Everyone hold hands.” He managed to say before coughing.

“Virg, you can’t- “

“Just do it Roman!” He ordered, cutting off Roman’s protest. Silently he did as told, taking Lucian’s right hand. Logan took his left, mind struggling to catch up to events, Patton holding tight to his hand, eyes wide. His power fizzled, shot through with gilded lines, spreading and cracking through is purple. Using everything he had left he shoved away the infection, holding it back.

Lucian closed his eyes, thinking of the Light Side, their shared living room, the couch, Logan’s books strewn about, Patton curled under a fuzzy blanket, Roman scribbling down odes in a notebook. He felt the world shift and blur, for a moment in a state of gray in between, before settling into the familiar feel of their home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others do their best to save Virgil.

He landed roughly on the ground, almost unable to tell up from down. He was seeing double, and eyes open or closed he felt the world spinning around him. He coughed, a trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth.

His eyes sparked between violet and gold, head pounding as he tried to get it under control, tried to burn away the poison from his heart. He would not turn against them, he would not let it use him.

He could hear distant voices, calling his name, but he couldn’t reach them. All his focus was on holding the power back, pushing away the fog threatening to cloud his mind.

“Luca.” He focused at the surprise of hearing his nickname said by Roman. He swallowed thickly, Roman’s face the only thing in focus.

“I’m sorry. I can’t…” Lucian trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut for a long moment, pushing back the tide.

“Hey, look at me. It’s gonna be alright, ok? We’re gonna get you all fixed up.” Roman could see the yellow flaring in Lucian’s eyes, filled with fear and exhaustion. “You just stay awake for me, ok? I need you to stay awake.” Roman begged, trying to keep his own voice even. Lucian shook his head, trying to unplug his ears. His heartbeat was loud and slow in his ears, burning cold and searing heat coming with each breath.

“Come on Luca. Just hold on.” Lucian smiled crookedly at Roman.

“You never could tell me what to do.” Lucian’s eyes flared gold and he fell, Roman catching his unconscious body, holding him closely as Logan came running back into the room, Patton trailing behind him, arms full of medical supplies and books.  
...

He felt like he couldn’t breathe. It was dark, and the walls were closing in on him, squeezing him tighter and tighter, into smaller and smaller spaces, until he was sure any second he would be crushed, suffocated by his own breath. For a moment he heard words, whispers on the wind, but he couldn’t hear over the ragged sound of his breathing.

He was on a battle field, ragged and bloody, heart cracking and breaking as he looked around him. He saw Roman, limp, eyes open and a gash across his chest. Logan was frozen, arms outstretched in a plea for help, eyes wild with fear, turned to stone. Patton was bleeding out, spear through his heart, barely alive. He looked down and saw his own hands covered in ashes and blood, and knew that he’d done this to them. He felt his own heart stutter on its beats, falling out of sync with the rest of him.

“We’re losing him!”

“Just keep him steady, I’m doing the best I can.” The voices called, swirling around him, but he barely heard. Inky tears dripped down his cheeks as he shook, suddenly filled with cold so intense it burned, searing him inside and out, until he silently screamed, burning up on his own despair.

“Guys, what do we do? There has to be something, there has to!”

He was deep inside himself, the center of his being, the fortress of his power. The once shimmering walls were cracked and peeling, gilded gold growing in the cracks like ivy, making the whole structure shudder and shake. Looking up he saw a net of golden threads criss crossing the sky, burning through his night and stretching out for eternity, filling him up until there was nothing left of himself. He shuddered as one tower fell, then the other. Ivy of gold tore through the stone, corrupting it and changing it, until he could no longer tell his way out, until it surrounded him, no matter where he ran.

What was the point of running? What was the point of fighting it anymore? The sickness was buried in him, buried in his heart, it was only a matter of time anyway. He was tired. 

He slumped to the ground, looking at his feet as the gilded gold ran across the floor. Slowly, it covered the base of his shoes, climbing up his legs, numbing them, freezing them in time and space. He leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes and letting the numbness flow into him. He could no longer feel his fingertips, hands, lower arms. What a relief, after everything to just feel nothing.

“Logan, move out of the way!” the distant voice shouted, barely reaching his ears. Sleep was a hairsbreadth away.

“You don’t know if that will work or even what it will do!” He felt his heart slow, the gold seeping into his bones, into his lungs.

“It’s better than nothing, now help me or back off!” It was like drowning, but without any of the pain. This is better. Better for everyone. He took a final breath of air, the gold creeping over his face, his mouth, his nose.

Then red-hot flames scorched through his mind, shocking him back into awareness. Everything around him was ablaze, the burning fire all he could see, flames tall as mountains flickering by, scorching and melting the golden threads, burning them away. The flames roiled around him, knocking him from his feet, sending the blackness scattering, threatening to swallow him up in its inferno.

A wave of wind washed by him, gusting his hair playfully, coiling around him and warding away the flames, nipping at his ears and nose, spinning in a funnel around him, glowing sea blue. It twirled around him once more, rippling through him, before chasing the flames, extinguishing the fire.

“Logan, come on, just do it.”

“But this doesn’t make any sense, we don’t even know what we’re actually doing!”

“Logan, just trust us.”

A deep, flowing green rushed across the ground, filling it with green grasses and replacing the smell of burning with sweetness. The wind came back, whispering through the blades, the fire a mild heat now, like a summer’s day.

Slowly, so slowly, Lucian blinked, squinting, the elements almost taking on human shapes. Almost forms he recognized. They held hands, the blue spirit reached out a hand, imploringly. He felt pulled to it, drawn. Something about it spoke of kindness, of hope.

“C’mon kiddo. Come on back home.” The words reverberated around him, in him. Home. He had a home. He reached out, hand glowing dimly where he touched the blue spirit, the light racing up his hand and into his arm, across his body until his eyes sent off sparks and the space around him glowed, bursting into light, into violets and lilacs and deep near blacks, filling itself up near to bursting. He felt something, distantly, heard voices. The hand he was holding tugged gently, pulling him along, as the world around him spun into darkness and he fell.  
...

He jolted awake, something on top off him. He thrashed, fighting against it, trying to free himself, one arm restrained against his chest. He was trapped, he couldn’t breathe, there wasn’t any space, any air….

Slowly he registered the soft voice talking calmly to him, repeating a name, his name but not, over and over. He gasped, air rushing into his lungs and coughed, taking in great, heaving breaths as someone helped him into a sitting position. Slowly he cracked his eyes open, feeling as if they were weighted down by a ton of bricks and glued shut. As the figure solidified into one solid image, he blinked in surprise.

“Teach?” His voice was hoarse and thin, his mouth dry. It seemed as if he floated just above his body, he felt light headed and spacey.

“I kicked the other two out for the moment, Roman wouldn’t stop pacing and Patton chatters ceaselessly when he’s stressed, about the least invigorating topics. Having the most medical knowledge I, of course, volunteered to stay.” He paused, clearing his throat. “And, of course, I do, well, care about you and your wellbeing and would hate to be gone if my presence was urgently required.” He stopped awkwardly, examining Lucian’s eyes. He frowned, noting their lack of focus and dilation.

“How are you feeling?” Logan asked. Lucian gave a crooked smile.

“Like a dead man walking, I suppose. Dizzy, tired,” he winced as he was suddenly flooded with all the aches and pains his body had been subjected to. His face was swollen where Roman had hit him, his other cheek still smarting from the cut. He felt like a donkey had kicked him in the ribs, and his arm pounded in pain in time with his pulse. The restraint he’d felt had been his arm, bandaged in a sling against his chest. “Sore.” He added belatedly, realizing he’d been silent for too long, how long had they been talking? He couldn’t remember. He shivered slightly, hugging his arm closer.

Logan’s frown deepened, as he helped his friend lay back down, tucking him in and watching him drift into a fitful sleep.  
A concussion. That’s all it was, it explained the dizziness, the lack of focus, the confusion… but not the chills. He let out a low breath of air, pushing up his glasses. He wrapped another blanket around Lucian, shaking his head. They’d just have to wait and see.  
...

“What was that today, Luca?” Milo asked, popping into his room.

“What? I decided to give the whole showing up and participating thing a try for once.” He answered, closing the book he’d been writing in. Milo scoffed.

“And did they care for anything you had to say?” Lucian bit his lip. “I didn’t think so.”

“I just wanted to try it out, ok? It seemed, I dunno, fun or something.” He replied, scratching the back of his head.

“Fun? Those stuck up know it alls don’t care about sides like us. They want to pretend we’re not real. They can’t even talk about us unless he asks. We don’t exist.”

“I do.” Lucian slipped out, before he could stop himself. Milo froze, looking stricken. Then his face darkened and he vanished, ignoring Lucian calling after him.  
“That’s not… what I meant.” He sighed, throwing his book aside and covering his hands with his face.  
...

It was later. He was mad again.

“You can’t possibly trust them.” He was astonished.

“Why not? They’re including me. They want me to be around!” Milo’s eyes blazed.

“They find you interesting. You’re an amusement to them, a puzzle. They’re only still trying because they want your name. Once they have that they won’t care a thing about you.”

“That’s not true! They’re trying, even Roman is trying! Why is it so hard for you to believe that other sides would want to be my friend?” Lucian demanded.

“Because why would they!?” Milo yelled, and Lucian blanched, stone still. “I didn’t mean…. I meant they don’t understand our purpose. They can’t see that it’s good to be afraid, or overthink. In time, they’ll find you a nuisance.” Milo finished, gently, reaching out to Lucian.

Lucian shoved him away, glaring up at him, a look Milo had never seen on his face. It was rage, but underneath he could see the hurt. He’d hit him right in his core.

“And why should I listen to you? Why should I even trust you? Deceit.” Milo took a step back, eyes glittering dangerously. Lucian had never, never called him that.

“Fine. Go play dolls and make believe with those self-righteous light sides. Tell them your name, tell them everything you’ve ever thought or felt or dreamed, and see if they still like you then. See if they understand you like I do.” Lucian let out a frustrated hiss.

“This is the problem with you! You’re just using me, you’re just afraid of being alone, so you’re trying to keep me here, doubting myself, instead of going out there. I can do something, I can be something, but not by staying in this room. And not by staying in yours.” Milo stared at him, long and hard, but Lucian refused to look away. He opened his mouth, closed it again. Then vanished in a black cloud. Lucian sank to the ground, back against his bed, and hugged his knees, closing his eyes as he cried, stifling his sobs so no one would hear.  
...

“Virg? It’s ok kiddo. Hush, shh, it’s ok.” He cracked open his eyes, squinting in the light. His face was wet. Had he been crying? Why would he be crying? He was cold. He shivered, curling into a ball under the blankets piled on him, trying to keep from trembling. Pain and exhaustion pumped through him unceasingly. He felt a hand on his forehead, gently stroking his hair. Opening his eyes a crack further he saw kitten paws dangling at his eye level.

“Patton, I’m cold.” His voice was barely a whisper, but he couldn’t seem to be any louder. It didn’t matter, Patton heard. Lucian looked up and saw him smile shakily, eyes dark with worry.

“I know kiddo. You just get some more rest, and when you wake up everything will be fine and dandy.” His voice was filled with false cheer.

“S’okay to be sad, Pat. I dunno what you’re sad for though.” He murmured, already drifting back to sleep.

Patton choked back a rush of tears, placing his hand on Virgil’s forehead. It was burning hot, Virgil himself looked pale as death and so, so fragile. He grabbed another blanket to drape over Virgil, watching him snuggle deeper into his blanket burrow. He sat back down beside him, letting out a breath. It would all be fine.  
...

“Stupid.”

“Worthless”

“Waste of time”

“Waste of space”

“Why do we even try?”

“What’s the point?”

“Failure.”

“Idiot”

“Didn’t want you”

“Should have stayed gone”

“Never wanted to see you again”

“Hate you”

“HATE you”

“Got us all killed”

“Put us all in danger”

“Liability.”

The words swirled through his mind, echoing and repeating, starting as whispers and turning to shouts, circling him, bombarding him, in his voice, in the other’s voices, he couldn’t take it, he knew it, he knew it all.

“stop.” He whispered, drowned out by the voices.

“Stop.” He could hear his own voice now, over theirs.

“STOP IT!” He shot up, gasping, shaking, shivering violently, drenched in sweat. He hugged his knees to his chest, and buried his face in them, still half asleep, half delirious.  
“please please please just stop, just stop, I know I already know.” He whispered, barely audible.

“Virgil? What are you talking about?” He heard Roman, shaking, he felt a blanket be draped around his shoulders and he pulled it tight, like he did in his bed nest when everything was too much.

“I know ok? I know I’m stupid and worthless and dumb and a waste and you all hate me, you hate me, so just stop and leave me alone.” Roman, for once, was at a loss for words. Virgil looked so scared, so, just, hopeless.

Suddenly there were arms wrapped around Lucian, holding him close. He looked up, eyes glassy and saw Roman, face as serious as he’d ever been.

“Don’t you ever say that about yourself again. Don’t ever think any of us hate you. We- I- could never hate you, Virg. Ok?”

“Ok.” He whispered, falling back asleep, no longer shaking, curled against Roman’s side like a cat. Trembling, Roman felt his forehead. The fever had broken. He leaned back, letting out an exhausted sigh of relief before yawning hugely, drifting off himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finally gets some answers.

The next time Lucian woke, he woke slowly. He blinked open his eyes, pushing himself up to sit, leaning back against the couch. He was in the living room. He pushed back his hair, wincing at the headache he could feel coming on. His arm was still in a sling, though its sharp sting was now a dull ache. His whole body felt stiff, and he stretched, wincing as each muscle cried out in protest. He could tell the skin around his cheek was one ugly bruise, and the cut on the other would scar.

He was alone for the moment. He wondered if Thomas had called them away. He wondered how long he’d been out, how Thomas had been handling his absence. What had he done? It all came rushing back. He’d been an idiot, why had he listened to Mi…. to Deceit.

And yet, it had been so… so good. It was like nothing had ever changed. But was that worth it? He hated it, hated that he had to admit it, hated that he even thought it. But he’d missed Milo. He’d missed the banter, the easiness they’d always had with each other, how he knew exactly when he needed space and when he needed someone there.

He kicked off the blankets and got to his feet, wincing as lightheadedness left him dizzy for a moment, leaning against the walls for support until he made his way to his door. The door to his room. Tentatively he reached out a hand towards the handle, deciding against it and pulling back, instead simply resting his hand on its wood.

It seemed to stretch on forever in height, towering over him. Most days he didn’t leave it unless he had to, summoned by the others or his own senses telling him he was needed.   
They all made an effort to get him out, to participate, especially Patton, but there were times he just couldn’t face them all.

It was supposed to be his safe space, his own space, but it was anything but. It felt more like a prison than anything else sometimes. His own shame keeping him inside, telling him he’d just be in everyone’s way, no matter how many times they’d told him otherwise. Their whole foundation was a lie. He hadn’t told them anything about him, he kept it all carefully hidden away, locked away, they didn’t need to know.

But now they did. Or if they didn’t, they’d have questions and he’d have to explain. About his name, about Deceit, about the others, about his own origins. If Milo just weren’t so good at getting in his head, none of this would have happened. They’d been in danger because of him. So what if he forgot, if he left, if he died? If he hadn’t shoved Logan and Patton out of the way, neither of them would be here, he was positive of that. He only barely made it because of his connection with Deceit. Because he was a Dark Side.

He could go in, lock the door, never come out. But that wouldn’t work. That would be almost worse. At least out here, They couldn’t get to him, couldn’t push his buttons, couldn’t whisper in his ear.

He ran his hands through his hair, wishing to just cease to exist.  
...  
“You think you’re so much better than me, do you? Then why haven’t you told them the truth?”

“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you. Step off your high horse, Deceit.”

“Don’t. Call me that.” He’d hissed, eyes sparking.

“Sensitive much?”

“Yes, I’m the only one sensitive about my name, am I “Virgil”?” He’d let out a strangled yell in frustration.

“You don’t even try, why don’t you at least try to get along with them, work with them? That’s what I do!”

“And look at you now, you’re a watered down, wilting version of your former self, Lucian. You couldn’t even scare a duckling.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Then what is the point!? It’s who you are, its your job, and your neglecting it for those so-called friends. I’m your friend. I know more about you than anyone, and have I ever   
turned my back on you? What do you think they’d do, if they knew what you were?”

“it doesn’t matter, because they don’t know.” Lucian gritted out.

“Ah, clever clever. There’s the Dark shining through. I see you learned something from me at least. How long will that ignorance last, I wonder, when I’m just out of sight? It’s only a matter of time before he figures out about me.” Lucian clenched his fists, Deceit smiling crookedly.

“You won’t tell them anything.” He whispered, voice tight. Deceit tsked.

“We’ll see. I can tell you’re in no mood for civilized conversation. I’ll just check up on you later, let you have some time to come to your senses.” He’d vanished, as always, in a puff of smoke.  
...

Lucian shook off the memories, turning away.

“Virgil, there you are! I’m so glad to see you up and about, we were worried when you weren’t where we’d left you.” He tensed, turning to see Roman, Patton and Logan coming down the hall towards him.

“Why did you do that?” he asked, making Roman pause, confused.

“Do what?”

“Why did you try and come find me?” Lucian asked. It was Patton who answered.

“Because we knew you were in trouble. We found your door open and your journal on your bed, and the room a mess and Deceit… Your family, we weren’t gonna just leave you.” 

His heart sunk. They’d read his journal. He hadn’t meant for them to see that, any of it.

“You shouldn’t have.” He replied, good hand stuffed in his pocket.

“Shouldn’t have what? Read your journal? We wouldn’t have under normal circumstances, but Deceit indicated it would somehow clue us in to your predicament.” Logan replied.

“You shouldn’t have come found me. Do you know how dangerous that was? How stupid you all were? I would have been fine, there without you. I didn’t need you to come save me.” Lucian replied, voice heated and stinging.

“Virgil, you’re one of us. We weren’t gonna lose you.”

“For the last time, that’s not my name! My name is Lucian. I’m not one of you, I’m not family, I’m nothing like any of you!” He shouted. Patton flinched, Roman stared, Logan blinked.

“You’re being awfully mean, there, kiddo. We’re just trying to help.” Patton said, making Lucian feel even more guilty, but he couldn’t stop now.

“Good. Maybe you’ll finally remember what I am now. I’m not your friend, I’m not your playmate, I’m not your fixer upper project, I’m fear and loathing and I would’ve been perfectly happy for the rest of my life if you all hadn’t shown up and ruined it!” Patton’s mouth hung open, and the others seemed frozen as he turned and stalked down the hall, praying they’d stop. That they’d take the hint and leave him alone.

He yelped as the way before him was cut off by a blazing wall of fire reaching from floor to ceiling. He spun to face them, Roman’s eyes blazing orange.

“What is wrong with you? You can’t just leave, don’t we deserve an explanation? After everything we did, just say something!” He was mad, but Lucian was mad too, he was making himself be mad. Because if he wasn’t mad he didn’t know what would be left.

“You don’t have a clue what you’re asking for.” He responded, voice bitter as he punched a hole through the fire.

“Talking things out has historically been our way of dealing with our differences and forging a path forward that seems agreeable to all.” Logan, responded, trying to box him in with his shields. He teleported, there one instant, out the next.

“Nothing could be so bad that we’d stop loving you. Please Virg? Don’t just…go.” Patton, of course Patton. He couldn’t spit his hurtful words at him, couldn’t be mean to him again. He raked his hands through his hair, letting out a frustrated growl. The only thing that would make them stop was the truth. So, let them have it.

“You don’t get, of course you don’t get it.” He muttered. “You want answers? You wanna know what’s wrong with me? Fine! I’M A DARK SIDE!” He screamed, unable to contain it anymore. “Why do you think you all freak out in my room? It isn’t like yours. It’s connected to the Dark Side, and the others can come and go as they please, and they do. Oh, they do. Why do you think I know Deceit’s name and he knows mine? Because we were friends, best friends, almost brothers. I knew the second he stepped in as Patton, why do you think I hate him so much? Because I know all of his tricks, he perfected them on me, trying to keep me from leaving! Because we’re exactly the same, no matter how hard I try, I’m not… enough.” He finished, defeated, shoulders slumped. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see their faces. He was done.

He stumbled back as a small force hit him, peeking open his eyes to see Patton hugging him.

“You are so, so strong.” Patton said, looking straight into his eyes. “Where you come from doesn’t change a thing about you. You kept all that inside, for so, so long. I know that kind of hurting. And it is okay. It is okay that you’re scared. It’s not okay that you think, for a second, that you’re alone.” Lucian was voiceless for a moment.

“You all hate the Dark Sides. I thought if you knew, you’d hate me to.” He said, half frozen, afraid if he moved, Patton, his one life preserver right now, would vanish.

“Kiddo, you can’t let Deceit and his friends get in your head. We love you for who you are, not what you are. That will never, ever, change.” Lucian was breathless for a moment, then he hugged Patton tight, buried his head in his shoulder, and just let it all go.

He let all the fear and the anger and the hate and the loathing that had built up over years and years drain away. He let go all the fights, all the arguing, all the name calling and slights. He let go of Milo, even though it made him feel like he was breaking apart. All the times he’d built himself up, just for Milo to tear him down. All the times he’d wanted to talk, but Milo made him feel stupid for it. All the times he’d almost reached out, but Milo whispered in his ear and made him afraid.

And for the first time he saw clearly, objectively, that Milo had been lonely and afraid too. Which is why he’d clung so tightly to Lucian. Milo had been using him, as he used everyone, to further his own ends. And he’d refused to be used any longer. Which had made Milo angry and confused and alone. Bitter.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.” They had slid to the floor. He couldn’t seem to get enough air. He’d been so stupid, and they’d almost gotten hurt because of his silly hurt feelings, and he let Deceit use him again and he never learned, why did he never learn?

“Hey. It’s ok, it’s ok. I’m sorry too. I didn’t realize what I said was hurting you so badly.” Roman knelt next to Lucian, who still clung to Patton and was shaking, almost hyperventilating. Roman put a hand on his shoulder, smiling through his own tears. “You’re ok. We’re all ok. It’s going to be ok. Now just breathe. In and out, you can do it.” With a few last gulps of breath, Lucian managed to calm down, his shakes stopped, the tears finally ran themselves out.

“For clarification, should we call you Virgil or Lucian now?” Logan asked, hovering over them uncertainly. Lucian choked out a laugh, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

“Lucian is my name, my real name. I wanted to tell you all then, about everything, but I just panicked. He got in my head. And then when I found you guys actually cared… it seemed too late to say anything. But y’know, I kinda like Virgil now. It seems more… me.” He replied, letting out a small groan as he pushed himself back up to standing, Roman holding his hand, Patton looping his arm through his slung up one.

“You should get some rest. You’ve already done too much movement today for your recovering body, both physically and mentally.” Logan remarked, his own way of showing he cared. Virgil glanced somewhat fearfully at his door.

“I can’t go back in there. Not yet. I just… I can’t.” He felt his heart start to speed up, before Roman gave his hand a squeeze.

“Then you don’t have to. The living room can be your room, as long as you need it. I’d say you could bunk with me, but our rooms are a bit…”

“Incompatible.” Logan finished for Roman, adjusting his glasses. Virgil smiled down at the ground.

“Oh, does that mean we can decorate it!? I can get all my arts and crafts supplies- “

“YES! It shall be the spookiest of rooms, a chance to put my skills at scene building to the test!” Roman and Patton chattered away, forming plans on how to furnish the living room, their ideas growing wilder by the second. He rolled his eyes, stifling a yawn as they finally entered the shared living space. He found he was exhausted, all his energy spent up, as he curled up on the couch.

Roman paced the room as he gestured, making grand plans for decorations. Patton sat next to him, jumping in with his own ideas, shutting down anything to do with spiders.

“Virgil.” Logan’s voice caught him just as he was drifting off.

“Yeah?” He asked, yawning, feeling the couch shift as Logan sat down beside him and fiddled with his tie.

“I’m not good with feelings but… please don’t ever scare me like that again.” Virgil smiled smally, leaning against Logan as he closed his eyes.

“I won’t, Teach.” He drifted off, feeling Logan wrap an arm around his shoulders. He knew when he woke up, everything would be ok. For the first time in a long time, everything was good.


End file.
